Difficult River

Driving south, seams in the road bump out an arrhythmic heartbeat.

Signs punctuate the journey: Lexington 140 miles, Straw for Sale,

Jesus is Coming, Jesus is Here, Psychic Readings $20, Make an Offer—

Cars for Sale, the last being timely because at some point between

origin and destination we will surely break down. We believe we can

travel in straight lines knowing that nature won’t tolerate it.

Overheard (buyer to salesman):

I’d like to believe that you believe everything you’re saying.

I’m fallible that way (not to be confused with gullible), but this

verse that is life demands a certain poetic restraint.

More signs: Towns named Challenge, Minuet, and Strawberry,

they all meld together, each green sign might be the name of

someone you’ve met and moved beyond. And then the bridge over

Difficult River. I cross it in a moment of distraction, until the name

catches up with me and I’m forced to pull over, stunned. We brand

our places with hopeful or borrowed names but rarely with the

candor our lives demand. Difficult River, one needs no map to

know its path and history and every resident on its shores.

The tentative sunrises and the ways both light and darkness reflect.

Driving to Omaha during the floods, I stopped at the peak of

verdant bluffs and couldn’t help but stagger before the enormous

Midwest ocean that had once been farmland. Convincing evidence

that rivers must be the first gods. I walk to the edge of Difficult River 

considering prayer but opt for an impromptu picnic. We have rare 

moments of so-called clarity but then I’m not certain what all the 

other moments are. It’s easy enough to convince myself that I am the 

only person who has sat upon this rock and so some acknowledgment 

must be in order. I toss a coin into the water and ask that this river 

carry me past all the unrelenting dramas. That we might portage 

through this boundary water known as life, complaining of all we 
might have left behind for its extraneous weight, but in the end

let grace wash over us, that we were both here to carry it.

This is the one thing I don’t get about angels: their capacity to

forgive forever exceeds the baggage of our souls.

--c. 2011, Martin A. Bartels (working draft)